On the Half Shell – Living in the Raw

B and I began watching The Chosen recently/ The third season is out now and we are caught up with all episodes. It is very very good,and I love the portrayal of JESUS. When I pray, and when I talk to Jesus, I see the face of the young man who plays him in the show. Maybe that’s not right – I don’t know, but it brings me comfort and a feeling of true relationship. Maybe that’s even a worse thing to say. If it is, i pray God will forgive me and understand that human weakness. I’m certain HE does.

I use the JESUS CALLING devotional currently, and have read it off and on over the years. I love it, and it always seems to speak to me at just the right time, as in “Jesus is calling”…but I wanted something else…something else to add to my daily worship. I found the devotional called THE CHOSEN-40 DAYS WITH JESUS. My sweet and brilliant friend, Rachel, also told me about a book she is reading by Ann Voskamp called, ONE THOUSAND GIFTS. Another precious friend of mine, Kim, had given me this book a number of years ago, and i started it (only got a few pages in), and for some reason, didn’t finish. Rachel was talking about how wonderful it is and how she had immersed herself in it. I downloaded the Audible (cause I can’t see the book) and started listening. I don’t listen every day, and when I do,, it might be 1/2 a chapter. But that has allowed me to really marinate on her words.

Now, back to THE CHOSEN devotional. I have been on DAY 1 for almost a week now. In my “advanced years”, I am learning to not just move on to the next day or next page just for the sake of being “caught up” or where I need to be in a book or lesson. I’m stuck – immobilized – trying to answer the question at the end of DAY 1. The lesson is about HIS knowing and calling us BY NAME. And how HE does the same with us as he did with the disciples and Mary Magdalene. He saw past their “Before”, ushering them into who they “would be”. The first question at the end of the lesson is as follows: “what parts of your before has HE redeemed, and which are you most grateful for?”

So. Here I sit. Days later. HAVE I been redeemed from my “before”. WHAT/WHO was my before? I don’t have an answer. I know i am a work in progress. Maybe I’m still in my before. Maybe I have not been redeemed yet. I know HE loves me. I know I am HIS. I know HE knows my name, the color of my eyes, the number of hairs on my head. So why can’t i answer the question? I still have so many challenges: impulsive at times, impatient at times, not a good steward of the gifts HE PROVIDES, unkind at times. The list could go on and on – so long a list that it is depressing. So I pray – Lord, please forgive me. Heal my brokenness, my weaknesses.